


Labyrinth

by lesbians_on_ice



Category: Labyrinth (1986), Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: All sorts of general insanity, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Labyrinth Fusion, Comedy, Crack, Don't Take This Too Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Goblin King Katsuki Yuuri, Humor, M/M, Nice Guys, Rabid Fangirls, This is the crack Labyrinth AU that absolutely no one asked for, Viktor is Sarah, forgive me Father for I have sinned, gratuitous amounts of glitter, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23520469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbians_on_ice/pseuds/lesbians_on_ice
Summary: When Yakov orders Viktor under house arrest for being late to practice again, Viktor decides to spend some time with his beloved poodle and watch the 1986 film "Labyrinth" starring David Bowie. However, when Viktor accidentally summons the very real, very glittery, and very sexy Goblin King, Yuuri, he is forced to take on the challenge of the Labyrinth for himself if he wants to get his beloved dog back. However, the impossible and unfair nature of the Labyrinth may be too much of a challenge for Viktor, even as he befriends a grumpy teenager, a curly-haired red beast, and an oddly sensual fox along the way.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Comments: 13
Kudos: 48





	Labyrinth

**Author's Note:**

> I had the idea for this a year ago when writing my other fic, "Genghis Khan." And just like that one, this thing is nothing but fluff and crack. This is what happens when you quarantine me for two weeks. Enjoy.

Viktor panted heavily. He was so incredibly late to practice. Well, no—He wasn’t late _yet._ He would be, though, if he didn’t haul ass and get to the skating rink already. God, Yakov would kill him if he was late again! He didn’t necessarily make it a habit, but he’d stayed up late rewatching Angel Beats (the ending made him cry every time) on Netflix last night. Who could blame him, honestly? Yakov, that’s who, which was why Viktor absolutely, positively, definitely could _not_ be late.

Suddenly, someone brushed past Viktor, who had slowed down to a walk from exhaustion. Viktor looked up at the jogger, but his eyes got caught about halfway up at the stranger’s ass. _Damn_. That was one nice ass. Clad in leggings, the fine behind jiggled with every step the running man took. The dark-haired fine specimen kept jogging, getting further and further from Viktor, so Viktor broke into a run again. “Excuse me!” he found himself saying on instinct, trying to catch the man’s attention. However, then he saw the Air Pods in the man’s ears and cursed. He just wanted that fine piece of ass’s number! He looked at his watch, finding that he still had five minutes until practice, but he was about five minutes away from the rink. He really didn’t have time to be chasing after tail right now, but… Viktor looked at that ass again. _God_ , that was just one fine booty! Fuck it. He could be a _little_ late, couldn’t he?

Viktor tried to run faster to catch up with the jogger, but the man apparently went running a lot because he was _fast_. Viktor tried with all his might to keep up, probably spending a whole five minutes chasing after him. The jogger turned a corner, and by the time Viktor reached the turn, he’d disappeared. Viktor slowed to a stop, leaning over and clutching his knees to pant. Damn it! He’d lost him. He looked at his watch. _And_ he was going to be late to skating practice! He was five minutes in the wrong direction and already late. Yakov was going to be mad… At least he couldn’t possibly know that Viktor had been late because he was chasing ass though, right…?

Yakov knew, and he was _not_ impressed.

“Vitya! A world champion cannot ditch practice twice a week just because he sees someone attractive!” the old man barked as Viktor put on his skates. Viktor rolled his eyes. He’d gotten this same lecture multiple times now, and it was getting old.

“First of all, I did not _ditch_. I was five minutes late. That’s all. Second of all, this does not happen twice a week! I’m usually very punctual. Give me some credit!” Viktor retorted.

Yakov leveled him with a glare. “If it’s not being late, it’s always something else with you! Ignoring my rules, eating things outside of your diet, flirting at competitions! You never listen to me!”

“I ate _one_ donut, and you still won’t let it go!” Viktor cried in exasperation.

“Vitya, this is serious! If you don’t stop fooling around and listen to your coach for a change, you will definitely lose your title as world champion! Do you understand me?” Yakov looked ready to rip Viktor’s head off.

“Yes, yes,” Viktor relented, standing in his skates. “Now, can I practice already? I’m already ten minutes short today.”

“Not so fast, Vitya,” Yakov snarled. “I’m not going to let you keep goofing off. As your coach, it’s my responsibility to whip you into shape! And so, I have to correct your irresponsible actions: Vitya, you are to stay home tonight. No going out drinking, no chasing after innocent boys, none of it! You will stay at home and think about what you did today!”

Viktor gaped. “Are you… _grounding_ me? You can’t ground me! I’m 28 years old! And it’s a Friday!”

“If you’re an adult, then you should know better than to chase after every guy you find attractive, especially if it interferes with your _career!_ ”

“But—!”

“Now, on the ice! I don’t want to hear any more complaints! You’re under house arrest tonight! If I find out you’ve gone out, you will be getting a lot worse than one night at home, _do you understand?_ ”

Viktor shivered. He knew that tone in Yakov’s voice; the old man meant business. Viktor sighed in defeat. “Yes, Yakov,” he huffed before stepping onto the ice. He knew when to stop pushing his limits with his coach, and this was one of those times. Viktor sighed. Tonight was going to suck.

That night, Viktor sat on his couch, deep in thought. His poodle, Makkachin, laid next to him on the sofa with her head in the man’s lap. Viktor absentmindedly ran his fingers through Makkachin’s fur, humming to himself. “Oh, Makka,” he sighed. “What should we do tonight? I’d take you to the dog park, but Yakov would blow up if he came by and I wasn’t here. I’m afraid we’re confined to the house tonight, girl.” Makkachin panted with her tongue out, and Viktor smiled. Well, maybe this wasn’t so bad. He was so busy these days, he hardly got time to spend with his beloved pooch. Maybe this house arrest was a blessing in disguise. “Wanna watch a movie?” he asked the dog, who yipped excitedly in response. Viktor got up and walked down the hall to his bedroom where his DVD cabinet was. Sure, he had Netflix and Hulu and the rest of them, but there was something so nostalgic about putting on a DVD that Viktor couldn’t get over. He scanned the titles he had, humming to himself. He wasn’t really in the mood for a kids’ movie, but he wasn’t necessarily in the mood for something with heavy themes, either. What did he have that was older, since he was feeling so nostalgic tonight? He looked over the titles again before settling on one. He grabbed the copy of _Labyrinth_ with a grin. Perfect! He hadn’t seen this movie in a while. David Bowie looked sexy as ever on the cover, and Viktor shuddered. Yeah. Yeah, he could definitely go for an hour and 41 minutes of David Bowie in tight pants.

Viktor took the disc from the case, leaving the plastic cover on his bedroom vanity before jogging back out to the living room. Makkachin interpreted the active motion as playtime and crouched with a wagging tail. Viktor laughed and patted the dog’s head then settled down by the TV to get the movie going. He made some popcorn in the microwave while all the DVD’s ads played, and by the time he came back with his bowl of buttery goodness, the TV was on the movie’s title screen. Viktor settled himself on the couch, popping a kernel in his mouth as he pushed play on the remote. Makkachin hopped up next to him, and Viktor fed the poodle a couple pieces of popcorn while the song “Underground” signifying the beginning of _Labyrinth_ played.

Viktor could only imagine what Yakov’s reaction would’ve been if he’d seen Viktor wolf down the entire bowl of popcorn in the time it took the main character, Sarah, to get back to her house in the movie. At the moment, though, Viktor didn’t care. Yakov had already taken a night out away from him, so the least he could do was let Viktor eat some popcorn while he watched his movie. He scratched Makkachin behind the ears as Sarah threw her fit in the movie. She was such a dramatic teenager, it was kind of hilarious. Viktor had been a lot like her when he was that age, though. He could remember how many fits _he’d_ thrown over Yakov’s various rules. Sarah wasn’t a bad character; she was just immature.

That didn’t mean her dramatic monologuing was any less amusing, though. Viktor turned to Makkachin, taking her front paws in either hand. “Oh, Goblin King! Goblin King! Wherever you may be, take this child of mine far away from me!” Viktor proclaimed in his most angsty voice along with the movie. Makkachin’s tongue hung from her mouth excitedly. She was loving the attention she was getting tonight. Viktor laughed, hugging the dog close to him and rocking her as Sarah rocked Toby in the film. Makkachin was probably the thing Viktor loved most in the world. He hated how little time he got to spend with his beloved pet. Skating had just taken over his life as soon as he’d entered Junior level and hadn’t stopped. Viktor looked at Makkachin a bit remorsefully. The dog was starting to grey a little bit around the face. She was getting old, and her entire life, Viktor had been so absent. Viktor hated that more than anything.

As he mulled over his relationship with Makkachin, though, Viktor continued speaking the lines to the movie without thinking. “I wish the goblins would come and take you away,” he said, not actually putting any mind to the words he was speaking. “Right now.”

Suddenly, there was a loud crack of thunder followed immediately by a bright flash of lightning. Viktor glanced out the window in surprise. It had been sunny and clear all day. When had it started raining? The wind was howling now, as if a tremendous storm had managed to creep in when Viktor wasn’t paying attention. Makkachin whimpered, huddling close to Viktor, and Viktor scratched her soothingly. “It’s okay, Makka,” he said a little apprehensively. “It’s just a storm. Nothing to be scared of.” Another bolt of lightning struck with a loud _boom_ , and the lights in Viktor’s home flickered before going black. The man cursed, standing up. Damn it, the power went out! Hopefully the TV didn’t fry. Viktor stumbled in the dark, feeling the coffee table for his phone but not finding it. He must have left it in the kitchen or bedroom. Damn it! He needed a flashlight! Using the couch the guide him in the dark, Viktor began to go toward the kitchen.

However, before Viktor could get far, the window slid open, unleashing a flood of rain inside his living room. Viktor shrieked as he was sprayed with water and immediately stumbled toward the window to close it. There was something tapping at the bug screen furiously, but Viktor couldn’t see what in the dark. More lightning flashed, and Viktor caught the silhouette of… a bird? An owl, more specifically. Viktor heard giggles all around him and whirled around, but the sound stopped as soon as he turned. What was _that?_ He gulped down his heartbeat. He was…just hearing things. Yeah. The thunder must have been making his ears ring or something. The owl continued to scratch and bang into the screened in window, and Viktor turned his attention back to the open window. He covered his eyes with his hand to keep the water out of them. How had the window even opened? It was a sliding window; it wasn’t like the wind could have blown it open! Viktor tried to step toward the window to close it, but it felt as though the wind had increased to an impossible strength, and he could hardly stand in place let alone progress. All around him, the laughter erupted again accompanied by shuffling and banging as if things were falling and doors were slamming. Viktor tried to blink the rain from his eyes when suddenly, the screen covering the window broke out of place, clattering to the floor. The owl flew inside in a flurry of flapping feathers, and Viktor closed his eyes against the onslaught.

However, suddenly everything died down. The storm didn’t go away, but the thunder seemed to fade into the background, the rain ceasing to shower Viktor through the window. He blinked his eyes, and the window seemed lit, now, as if shrouded in moonlight. Against it stood a lone shadow in Viktor’s living room, much bigger than an owl. Viktor gaped. Before Viktor stood a man, dimly lit but somehow easy to make out. Around him was an aura of magic, and—wait. That wasn’t magic. Viktor squinted his eyes. That was glitter. It was like this man had just appeared in his living room in a puff of glitter. It sparkled all around him like the effects of an 80s movie, and Viktor raised an eyebrow. Who broke into someone’s house and used special effects?

Viktor took in the looming figure before him. The man was tall—wait, no again. He was wearing heels. Very high heels. Viktor’s eyes moved up from there to the man’s tight, leather-clad legs, to the flowing shirt bound by a midsection corset, showing off the man’s slender figure. His raven black hair was slicked back, and those eyes were _penetrating_ , framed with dark eyeshadow and winged liner. Viktor gulped. This man was… incredibly hot. Wait! The guy just bust in through Viktor’s window! Viktor needed to focus on the important facts here.

“W-Who are you?” Viktor stammered in a much more nervous voice than he planned. Giggles erupted behind him again, but when he twisted his head around, nothing was there.

The man smiled mysteriously. “Viktor,” he said in a soft, alluring tone that made Viktor weak in the knees. The man took a step closer to Viktor. “I am— _shit!_ ” shouted the stranger as his ankle promptly gave out, sending him face-first to the floor. Viktor stared in disbelief.

“You’re… shit?”

“No, goddamn it!” huffed the man, crawling onto his knees. His face was so red, Viktor could make it out even in the dim lighting. “Crap! I haven’t had anyone summon me in so long, I’m not used to the heels anymore!” Viktor watched as the strange man attempted to get back to his feet, wobbling intensely. “It doesn’t help that these pants are so tight, either!”

“Ah… right.” Viktor was no longer feeling quite as frightened as he had been. “So…you broke into my apartment because…? Wait,” Viktor realized. “You said I _summoned_ you?”

The man managed to stand up, but his knees were still shaking. “Correct?”

“Summoned you,” Viktor said, putting the pieces together. The storm. The window. The owl. And now this strange but oddly alluring man in his living room? This had to be a joke, but… “You’re…the Goblin King? Like from the Labyrinth?”

The man had placed a hand on Viktor’s TV stand for balance, but he’d managed to stop looking like he was about to crumple to the floor again. He smiled at Viktor, and the skater felt his heart leap into his throat. That was one charming smile. “Yes,” said the Goblin King, once again using that low, entrancing tone. “I have come to grant your wish.”

“Wish?” Viktor asked confusedly.

The Goblin King stood up straight, clearing his throat before extending a hand to Viktor. “I have come to take the child from you.”

Viktor paused, trying to figure out what the hell the supposed Goblin King could mean by saying that Viktor had wished for a child to be taken, but it hit him rather quickly. He’d been reciting the words to the movie. “Oh,” said Viktor, blinking. “Uh, actually I was just watching a movie. I didn’t wish for anything.”

The man looked confused. “Huh? Viktor, where is the child?” boomed the Goblin King, probably in some attempt to regain the intimidating aura he’d entered with to no avail.

“Ah, I don’t have any kids. You know, professional athlete and all.”

The Goblin King looked even more dumbfounded. “Then… why did you summon me?” he asked, reverting back to a casual tone.

“Like I said, I didn’t,” Viktor repeated. “I was saying the words to a _movie_. How the hell was I supposed to know that some trash fantasy film starring David Bowie had any basis in reality?”

“Oh,” said the Goblin King. “Well, um… _Shit,_ ” he dropped to a whisper, stroking his chin. “What even is the protocol for accidentally summoning the Goblin King?” The leather-clad man scanned the dark room before his eyes suddenly settled on Makkachin. “Well, I’ll be taking your dog, then.”

“ _What?_ ” exclaimed Viktor.

“I’m not gonna hurt her!” the Goblin King hurriedly clarified. “I just…don’t get to see a lot of dogs in the Goblin Kingdom.”

“So you’re stealing _mine?_ ”

“Oh, sue me!” the Goblin King huffed. “Look, she’s already at my castle, so there’s nothing to do about it now.” Viktor whirled around, and sure enough, Makkachin was gone. _Shit_. So this actually _was_ the Goblin King and not just some lunatic. He turned back to face the man, who was now carefully stepping out of his heels. “These things are dangerous without practice,” said the Goblin King matter-of-factly.

“Give me my dog back!” screeched Viktor.

“If you want her back, you’ll have to go get her. She’s over _there_.” The Goblin King pointed out the window, and Viktor gaped to see that his front yard had become a wide expanse of barren land with a large labyrinth covering a great deal of it. At the center of said labyrinth was a castle at which the other man pointed.

“The Labyrinth is _real?_ Viktor gasped in disbelief. “Wait, you’re saying I have to get through that _entire labyrinth_ to get Makka back? I literally had to have a security guard lead me out of a mirror maze once! I can’t do that!”

“Well, you’re going to have to!” huffed the Goblin King. “And time is short.” The man pointed to a large grandfather clock with 13 hour marks that had mysteriously appeared behind him in—wait a minute! They weren’t in Viktor’s living room anymore. Viktor looked around to find the two of them were now standing outside in the barren landscape, Viktor’s home nowhere in sight. “You have 13 hours,” the Goblin King continued, the hands of the clock moving by themselves to the 13th hour position before beginning to tick as normal. “After that, the dog will be mine.”

Viktor’s jaw dropped. “This is ridiculous! Just give her back, you lunatic!”

“13 hours,” repeated the Goblin King. “If you wish to get her back, you’d better get going. I warn you, though, the Labyrinth is a treacherous place. Nothing is ever what it seems.” Viktor turned his head to look at the Labyrinth. It didn’t look too hard… The castle couldn’t be more than a few miles away, albeit he wouldn’t be taking the most direct path. But if this was anything like the Labyrinth from the movie, then the Goblin King was right; time was short, and Viktor had a long way to go. Viktor set his jaw. This whole situation was stupid, but…

“Alright. I accept your challenge then, Goblin King,” said Viktor. “I _will_ solve the Labyrinth and get Makkachin back.”

The Goblin King looked surprised. “What, really? People don’t usually actually even attempt it. Are you sure you’re ready?”

Viktor raised an eyebrow. “Why the concern?”

The Goblin King flushed pink again. “I-I’m not concerned! But don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He took several slow steps back, his voice seeming to fade to an echo as the man himself became increasingly more transparent before disappearing altogether. “13 hours,” came the echo again before the clock disappeared, too.

Viktor stared at where the Goblin King had vanished for a moment before turning his attention to the Labyrinth with a gulp. He wasn’t so sure he could actually do this, but what choice did he have? This fantasy shit was apparently real, and if that was the case, then Viktor was in for one hell of a ride. “Well, come on, feet,” he mumbled to himself, mimicking Sarah’s line in the movie before walking toward the intimidating Labyrinth.

The first thing Viktor noticed as he approached the outer walls of the Labyrinth was the massive amount of glitter that seemed to saturate everything within a ten meter radius of the place. Viktor grimaced. He understood that these were 80’s effects and all and that this was supposed to look _magical_ , but was this much glitter really necessary? He was going to be covered in the stuff by the time he was done with this ordeal, and god knew glitter _never_ went away. Viktor grumbled to himself about how dumb all of this was and searched the outer walls for an entrance. Not finding one immediately, he began to walk along the wall. Surely he’d run into one eventually?

After about ten minutes of walking, though, Viktor was getting frustrated. How was he supposed to solve this stupid Labyrinth if he couldn’t even get _inside_ to solve it? Viktor stopped, kicking a rock to alleviate some anger, and it plopped into a nearby puddle. The plopping sound repeated again, and again in rapid succession, and Viktor realized that the sound wasn’t the rock hitting the water. It sounded like… texting? He looked toward the noise and blinked in surprise when he saw someone leaning against the wall, typing away on an iPhone. Oh! He wasn’t alone, it seemed. Viktor exhaled in relief, approaching the person, a teenager with blonde hair that framed his face and a rather… interesting wardrobe composed of various animal prints and leather. The teen didn’t even look up when Viktor stood right in front of him.

“Um, hello...?” Viktor greeted cautiously.

The teen still didn’t look up. “ _What?_ ” he snarled as if Viktor was interrupting some important and tedious task.

Viktor jumped slightly at the venom in this kid’s tone. He considered just apologizing and walking away, but maybe the teen could help. He had a phone, so he was probably another lost soul trying to navigate the Labyrinth. “Are you trying to find your way through the Labyrinth, too?” Viktor asked.

The blond finally looked up at Viktor, glaring at him with a tinge of confusion and a lot of offense taken. His eyes were a fierce green. “What? Why the hell would I do that?” he snapped.

Viktor froze under the accusatory glare. “Um... because the Goblin King stole your baby and/or dog?” he tried nervously.

The teen relaxed again, going back to typing away on his phone. “Pfft, you think Yuuri stole anything from me? That pushover couldn’t take candy from a baby,” he sneered. Viktor paused. Yuuri? Was that the Goblin King’s name? This boy talked about the king of goblins like he, too, was nothing more than a nuisance to him, and Viktor began to wonder just who this teenager was. The blond gave Viktor an amused and antagonistic smirk. “If he stole your dog, you must be pretty pathetic.”

Viktor recoiled in offense. “Hey! Who are you calling pathetic?! What was I supposed to do against the magical, glittery king of _goblins?”_ he asked in disbelief.

The teen snorted. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe kick out one of those ridiculously high heels of his? He’s not exactly hard to incapacitate. He can barely walk in his stupid leather pants anyway!”

Viktor blanked, staring ahead with horrible realization. “ _Oh_.”

The blond sneered again. “Someone as hopeless as you couldn’t possibly find your way through the Labyrinth.” He typed away at his phone for another couple seconds before finally hitting the send button and pocketing it. He crossed his arms and leveled Viktor with another glare. “That is, not without _my_ help.”

It hit Viktor at once. “Oh! You must be Hoggle!” he exclaimed.

The teen looked stricken dumb. “I’m _what?_ ”

Viktor smiled brightly. “You’re some grumpy, cowardly guy who wants to help me but is too scared of the Goblin King to take my side! I get it now.”

“ _What?_ The fuck are you smoking? I’m not going to help you!” snapped the teen.

“What?” Viktor’s jaw dropped. “But you just said—“

“The obvious. You can’t get through the Labyrinth without my help. That didn’t mean I was going to offer it to you!”

Viktor thought. Hoggle hadn’t been eager to help Sarah in the movie, either. “Not even for... something in return?” Viktor finally asked.

The blond’s face contorted in a grimace. “Gross! I’m 15 you disgusting old pervert!” he shouted, looking ready to puke or maybe punch Viktor if he got any closer.

Viktor waved his hands furiously, shaking his head. “ _No!_ Wait, old? How old do you think I— Whatever! No! I meant like a payment! A gift!” he hurriedly explained before he got decked by a 15-year-old emo.

The teen froze with his fist in the air. “Gift?”

Viktor almost sighed in relief. “Yeah! I have...” Shit, what did Hoggle like again? Sarah had given him a plastic bracelet in the movie. What jewelry did Viktor have on him? He searched his hands to find he was wearing an old mood ring he’d won at an Arcade a few years back. It was cheaply made and tarnished from years of wear, but it would work. Viktor took it off, showing it to the teen like a precious gem. “Thiiiis mystical ring! It magically senses your mood and changes color, ooooh!”

The blond was unimpressed. “I don’t want some shitty mood ring you won at an arcade.”

Shit. “Oh... Um, what _do_ you want, then?” Viktor tried asking.

“... The WiFi password.”

“What?”

“The WiFi Password to this stupid Labyrinth’s network!” the teen snapped. “The reception here is shit!”

Viktor was confused. “Reception? _There’s WiFi here?_ ”

The blond rolled his eyes. “Well, duh, how else would Yuuri take his Pilates class? You think the Goblin King just waltzes to the fitness studio in all his glittery glory?”

Viktor thought about this. Now that he reflected on it, those leather pants had really shown off the Goblin King’s _assets_. “No wonder he has such a nice ass...” Viktor mumbled to himself.

The teen looked disgusted again. “Gross. Point is, Yuuri won’t give me the WiFi password until I ‘accept him as a father figure’ or whatever sentimental bullshit.” This teen apparently had a close relationship to the Goblin King, then. “Get it for me, and I’ll take you straight to the castle.”

Viktor gaped. Straight to the castle?! That would be amazing—but wait… “But how am I supposed to do that? If the Goblin Kin—Yuuri is the only one that knows it and he’s at the castle, how am I supposed to get it out of him?” Viktor asked.

The blond snorted. “You think Yuuri’s gonna sit in that castle doing yoga for thirteen hours until you get there? No. You’ll see him.”

Viktor pursed his lips. “And what if he won’t tell me the password?”

“Then I guess you’re shit out of luck!” Viktor sighed. He’d been too hopeful to think this would be fair. The teenager went back to texting. “Now, go get that password for me before I run out of data.”

“But where’s the entrance?” Viktor asked, finally returning to his original dilemma. “There’s nothing but wall!”

“It’s right beside you, numb nuts,” scoffed the blond. Viktor turned his head to the left and saw a large door that was definitely _not_ there before. Fucking Labyrinth Logic! “Now go… I don’t know. Do a dance or something. Yuuri loves guys with long hair, so I’m sure his gay ass will come speeding over the second he sees you prancing about his Labyrinth.”

Something about hearing that the Goblin King was gay made hope light up in Viktor’s chest. “Okay! Got it!” Viktor approached the door, and it creaked open on its own. He hesitated for a moment before walking through the entryway. Just inside, Viktor automatically met a wall. He looked left and right to see a pathway running on possibly infinitely on both sides, the whole thing saturated in an _appalling_ amount of glitter. However, Viktor had seen _Labyrinth_ enough times now to know how to solve this part! Without another moment of hesitation, Viktor walked straight forward and collided face-first with the wall. “ _Ow!_ ”

“ _What the hell are you doing?!_ ” shouted the teenager behind him.

Viktor turned around, clutching his nose. He hoped it wasn’t broken. “I... I thought that would work...” he mumbled sheepishly.

The blond looked at him like he was the greatest moron he’d ever encountered. “ _Why would you think—_ No, idiot, pick a fucking direction and start walking!” Viktor nodded, and the teen shook his head in disbelief and started grumbling to himself. “God, I can’t fucking believe Yuuri brought this goddamn idiot into our Labyrinth without even asking me first! Like what kind of asshole changes the WiFi password and then brings his new boyfriend over like this? This is ridiculous, I can’t believe—“ The teen’s complaints were cut off sharply by the door shutting between them. Viktor blinked, and the door had disappeared, replaced again by wall.

Viktor had been walking for a while now, but just as he’d expected, it went on and on. No turns, no doors, and he’d even felt along the wall to make sure there weren’t any passageways he was missing. Viktor groaned, stopping and slumping against the wall. How exactly was this supposed to work? Wasn’t he supposed to get some speech about taking things for granted by the Hoggle teenager? But he wasn’t taking things for granted! He’d already tried just walking at the wall, and that didn’t work! So what was he supposed to—?

Viktor’s thoughts were interrupted by a loud wail. It sounded like…crying? He looked around, but nothing stood out. The cry came again, and Viktor realized it was coming from right next to him. He looked to his right and saw a small blue worm. Oh. So this was _that_ part of the movie.

“Uh, hello,” Viktor greeted.

“ANYAAAAAA!” wailed the worm, head thrown back in grief. Viktor winced at the loudness of the sound.

“Who’s Anya?” Viktor asked, rubbing one of his ears.

The worm looked at Viktor in disbelief, as if it couldn’t comprehend Viktor not knowing this ‘Anya’ character. “Only the most beautiful worm in the universe! But she left me for _Chad!_ I’m such a nice guy, but I guess that doesn’t matter because I don’t have the flashiest colors out there! Anya is so beautiful and deserves better than that disrespectful _scum!_ ”

Viktor froze. Oh no. This worm was a _Nice Guy._

Viktor decided he’d better be careful not to set the worm off any more than he already was. “Ah…” Viktor tried, “Yes, I’m sure she’s, um…”

Like a switch had flipped inside of him, the worm became angry. “Women are always such ungrateful sluts, turning away the nice, respectful guys like me just because we’re not the most attractive! Women are so shallow!” Viktor didn’t know what to do here. He was gay, so maybe he was wrong, but he kinda got the feeling that looks weren’t the problem this worm was having.

“Ah... right. Anyway, do you know how to get—?” Viktor tried again, but the worm wasn’t listening to him.

“ANYA! BEAUTIFUL ANYA! Can you hear me? It’s Georgi! I miss you baby, come back to me!” the worm sobbed, back to sad again.

Viktor sighed. He wasn’t getting anywhere, was he? “If you could just point me in the direction of—“

Back to angry, the worm screamed, “You stupid whore! Bitches like you always end up getting abused because you turn down the nice guys like _me!_ ”

That was enough! “SHUT UP! No girl is ever going to date you if you keep calling them bitches and whores for not liking you! Now where is the goddamn exit to this passageway?!” Viktor snapped.

The worm went quiet, sniffling to itself. Finally, it piped up, “Right in front of you...” Viktor looked at the opposite wall, and suddenly there was a door that wasn’t there before. Fucking Labyrinth Logic struck again!

“Thank you,” Viktor said, standing up and brushing some of the glitter off his pants. “Now, figure out your life and for fuck’s sake, stop whining about how some girl won’t date you and better yourself. Jesus Christ!” Viktor opened the door and sped through it, walking briskly until the cries of ‘Anya!’ faded away behind him.

Viktor walked for another while. At least now, the walkways twisted and turned like a proper maze. However, with how many dead ends Viktor had run into so far, he still didn’t really feel like he was getting anywhere. He sighed, tapping his foot and thinking. If only he had lipstick to mark his way like Sarah did in the movie. Wait, no, that didn’t work for her either, did it? Even if he could mark his way, the goblins would just change or hide his marks, and Viktor would be just as lost as before! This was really unfair.

Viktor pondered a bit more before deciding he definitely wouldn’t get anywhere by just standing there, and he promptly started walking again. However, he was immediately met with another dead end that wasn’t there before. Viktor groaned, turning around only to find that the way he’d come had become a dead end, too! Viktor screamed out loud in frustration. This was impossible!

“What are you yelling for?” said a female voice behind Viktor. The man turned around again to find that the dead end he’d run into was now a wall with two doors, each of which was guarded by…something. The creatures looked like shields, one red and one blue, and each had two heads and four hands protruding from it. The red shield on the left had heads of a woman with black hair and tanned skin while the blue right shield had a man’s heads. The man and the woman looked similar, though, like siblings.

“Uh… hello?” Viktor greeted nervously.

“Hello!” chirped the bottom head of the red shield with a bright smile.

“Sara!” snapped the bottom head of the blue shield. “Don’t just talk to random men!”

The red shield’s bottom head, Sara, rolled her violet eyes. “Oh, cool it, Michele, I haven’t seen anyone in so long.” She smiled at Viktor again. “How do you do, traveler?”

Viktor was uncomfortable. Something about possibly disembodied heads talking to him gave him the heebie jeebies. “Uh... well, I suppose,” he replied hesitantly. Then he had an idea. “Do you know where these doors lead?” he asked earnestly.

“Oh, of course!” said Sara. “One leads straight to the Goblin Castle, and the other leads to certain death!”

Viktor froze. This sounded familiar, but usually after the first few scenes of the movie, he tuned out until the “When The World Falls Down” scene. While this definitely jogged his memory a bit, he didn’t quite remember what was going to go down here. A riddle or something, right? “Ah... So which door is which?” he tried asking next.

“We don’t know!” Sara answered eagerly. “You’ll have to ask them!” she and the blue shield’s bottom head, Michele, looked up to the heads sprouting from the top of their respective shields. These heads looked identical to the bottom ones and greeted him with similar dispositions.

“Hm?” grunted the man, while the woman chirped an enthusiastic greeting.

Viktor repeated himself. “Which door leads to the Goblin Castle?”

“Who are you asking?” said the red shield’s top head. “You can only ask one of us!”

Viktor furrowed his brow. “What? Why?”

“Because it’s the rules!” answered the blue shield’s top head. “Another rule to keep in mind is that one of us always tells the truth, and one of us always tells a lie!”

Viktor considered this riddle for a moment. Wait, wait, he remembered this now. Sarah had solved this quickly, but... “Wait, hold on, that setup doesn’t make sense,” Viktor said. “If— Hold on, what are your names again?”

“Sara.”

“Michele.”

Their names were apparently the same as the bottom heads’. Viktor continued, “Right, if Michele is the one telling the truth, then the rule that I can only ask one of you has to be a lie. I can ask you as many questions as I want.”

The heads looked confused. They eyed each other nervously before Sara tried to speak. “Um, but—“

“ _But_ if Sara is the one telling the truth in that scenario, that means that this whole riddle is void because then Michele would be telling a lie. Either neither of you exclusively tells truths or lies, both of you are truthful, or both of you are liars. And if both of you were truthful, then that would mean Michele was telling the truth, which can’t be true in that case because it would create a paradox. Which means either both of you are lying to me and these rules are completely made up, or you’re just normal people with no truth/lie rules about you. This whole setup is dumb.”

“Uh...” Sara seemed at a loss.

“Did that follow?” asked Michele.

“So... Wait, what are you going to do, then?” Sara inquired. “Will you believe that Michele is truthful and that you can ask more questions, or will you believe that you may or may not have one question, but we’re both possibly liars?”

Viktor thought about it. He could easily find out, but… Oh, what did he have to lose? “Well, that’s easy enough. Sara, is Michele’s door the way to the castle?”

Sara seemed to consider this. “Um... Yes?”

“Michele, is Sara’s door the way to the castle?”

“Yes?”

“Well, that settles it.”

“What? How?” asked both heads in unison.

Viktor crossed his arms. “I asked more than one question, so Sara is obviously lying. Which means that either Michele is always telling the truth or that neither of you are bound by any rules whatsoever because if you both were always lying, you couldn’t have both said ‘yes.’”

The heads all looked stricken. “Wait—“

“Which door are you going to take, then?”

Viktor tapped his chin. “Well, Sara lied to me once, which means she’s either always lying and Michele is always truthful or that she has no rules as whether to tell the truth or lie. But because she lied once, I’m more inclined to believe that she’d lie again if that were the case, so...”

The heads looked intrigued to hear Viktor’s decision. “So?”

“I’ll believe Michele. He’s either definitely telling the truth or Sara is most likely lying, so he’s my best bet.”

The heads looked at each other again. “I...”

“I didn’t follow any of that logic,” admitted Michele.

“How did that definitively answer anything?” asked Sara.

“It didn’t,” Viktor admitted, “but I don’t have all day.” Viktor stepped up to Sara’s door, and the red shield stepped aside politely. He opened the door and was about to walk through it when he remembered something. Didn’t Sarah (from the movie, not Sara) fall into a pit of hands somewhere around here? Viktor had better jump to be safe. The skater leaped over what he now realized was a slightly discolored section of the ground before continuing onward.

Viktor hadn’t walked too far before he turned a corner and immediately ran into the blond teenager from earlier leaning against the wall in his cool teen fashion. “Hoggle!” Viktor exclaimed, feeling oddly comforted to see the aggressive teen again.

“It’s _Yuri!_ ” snapped the blond.

“Oh, sorry—“ Viktor apologized before stopping. “Wait, I thought the Goblin King was Yuuri?” He tilted his head slightly in confusion.

“Yu-ri. Not Yu-uri, moron.” The teen, Yuri, rolled his eyes.

Viktor shook his head. “Still, that’s kind of confusing. I’ll have to give you a nickname.”

Yuri gaped. “What? _Nickname?_ ”

Viktor hummed in thought, tapping his bottom lip with his forefinger. “How about... Yurio!” he decided cheerily.

“No, no, no!” shouted Yuri(o), stomping his foot. “No nicknames!”

Viktor pouted. “But it’s so catchy—“

“Absolutely not! Have you gotten the damn WiFi password yet?” Yurio barked.

“What? Oh, that—“ Viktor had admittedly forgotten.

“I’ll take that as a no, then. Bye.” The teen turned around to leave when Viktor stepped after him.

“Wait! Yurio!”

“It’s _Yuri!_ ”

“ _Yuri,_ don’t leave! I need help!” Viktor pleaded.

Yurio huffed. “We made a deal: no WiFi password, no help. End of story.”

“B-But it’s been, like, 2 hours! And I _still_ haven’t seen Yuuri!” Viktor whined.

Meanwhile, Yuuri was in the throne room of his castle, doing his Pilates exercises. “And one, and two, and three, and—“ counted his bubbly instructor on the laptop screen he had propped up on the throne itself. Yuuri finished up the exercises and waved goodbye to his instructor before closing the Skype call, shutting his laptop, and setting it aside. The exhausted king sighed and flopped down on the throne in exhaustion. Makkachin yipped and bounded over, happily jumping up on Yuuri’s lap. The man laughed, petting the friendly dog. She looked so much like Yuuri’s dog from his human days.

Yuuri laid back and materialized a crystal ball in his hand. In it, he saw Yuri and Viktor arguing over something, somewhere close to but past the door riddle. Yuuri frowned. Damn, Viktor had made it pretty far... Wasn’t this guy supposed to be a brat or something? Most people gave up by now or fell into the oubliette, but Viktor had somehow made it past that. And what was Yurio doing there? Yuuri had better go and check it out. Gently coaxing Makkachin off his lap, Yuuri stood.

“I’m going out for a bit! Take care of the puppy while I’m gone!” he called out to the goblins that scuttled around the room and castle. They replied in an uproar of incoherent screeches and laugh. Yuuri sighed. Goblins were the worst conversationalists. They were surprisingly decent babysitters, though, and Yuuri wouldn’t be gone long. He threw on a disguise and disappeared.

“How’s that my problem?” Yurio continued arguing. “Get me that damn WiFi password, or so help me, I’ll—“

“Spare change?” Viktor and Yurio both turned to see a beggar that wasn’t there before sitting against a wall, gloved hand shakily holding out a tin cup. Yurio immediately grimaced while Viktor approached the cloaked figure.”

“Oh, hello!” Viktor greeted. With the exception of Yurio, pretty much everyone he’d met in this Labyrinth had been friendly to him so far.

Yurio tried to stop him. “Wait, dipshit, that’s—“

Viktor smiled sweetly at the beggar. “I’m afraid I don’t have any money on me, but... how about this?” Viktor took off the mood ring he’d tried to give to Yurio and put it in the cup.

“Why... how generous of you!” purred the beggar before uncloaking himself to reveal the Goblin King in all his glittery and admittedly quite sexy glory.

Viktor gasped. “Yuuri!”

The Goblin King suddenly looked flustered. “E-Eh? How did you know my name?”

Viktor pointed a thumb at Yurio. “Oh, Yurio told me.”

Yuuri looked confused. “Yurio?”

“It’s _Yuri!_ ” snapped Yurio.

Suddenly, Yuuri gasped, hands going over his mouth dramatically. “Oh my, did you nickname him that?” he asked Viktor. “That’s so cute! _Yurio!_ ”

Yurio looked livid, pointing an accusing finger at Yuuri’s chest. “Don’t you dare start calling me that, twinkle toes!”

“So, Yurio,” Yuuri continued, dropping back down to that soft tone that gave Viktor shivers. “What are you doing here, talking to Mr. Viktor?”

Viktor felt heat creep up his neck to his ears. Something about the way Yuuri said his name made his heart beat a little faster. “Oh my, no need to call me ‘Mr.’,” Viktor insisted.

Yuuri looked at him, smiling coyly. “Hm? Is there a title you’d prefer, or do you just like the sound of me saying your name, _Viktor?_ ” Yuuri purred with a wink.

Yurio looked green. “Oh sweet lord, I’m going to barf,” he gagged.

“Anyway, Yurio?” Yuuri asked again. “What were you doing?”

Yurio huffed, crossing his arms. “None of your damn business, that’s what!”

Yuuri shook his head. “Tsk tsk, is that anyway to speak to your father?”

“You are _not_ my dad!” Yurio screeched.

Yuur hummed, seemingly not fazed by the teen’s aggression. “I raised you, so... Yeah, I’m kind of your dad.”

“Kidnapping babies and then raising them does _not_ make you a father!” Yurio snapped. Yuuri looked a bit wounded at that, and Viktor shuddered. This felt kind of tense. Maybe Viktor could alleviate the tension, somehow? Yuuri had been flirting with him just now, after all, and to be perfectly honest? Yuuri _did_ have a nice ass.*

“Mm, Yuuri,” Viktor purred, stepping between the Yuris. He inched closer to Yuuri, giving him a playful wink. “Don’t you think this little game has gone on long enough? You’re such a cute little thing, and I’m sure you mean no harm. Why don’t you just give me my dog back, and we can—“

“Um!” Yuuri interrupted. He looked positively flustered at this point, his face beet red. Viktor could’ve sworn he saw smoke coming out his ears. “V-Viktor, I’m afraid I _can’t_.”

Viktor recoiled. “What? Why not?”

Yuuri looked up at him sheepishly. “I’m sorry! Once you enter a contract with the Goblin King, you can’t just break it.”

“But _you’re_ the Goblin King!” Viktor argued. “Surely there’s something you can do?”

Yuuri sighed. “Look, you have to solve the Labyrinth without my assistance. It’s, like, magical rules. Even if I wanted to help you, I _literally_ couldn’t.”

Viktor clenched his fists. “Well, then why did you steal my dog in the first place? You act like you have no ill intent, but if you knew I’d have to do this bullshit Labyrinth to get him back, why even take him?!”

“You entered the contract as soon as you made your wish,” Yuuri explained.

“I didn’t make a wish!” exclaimed Viktor.

“I had to take something!” Yuuri shouted, exasperated. “With no toddlers on hand, you kinda left me with no choice!”

Viktor pinched his brow. “Well, that’s just great! How long do I have left, anyhow?”

Yuuri pointed to a magically appearing clock. “9 hours and 15 minutes.”

“What?” Viktor gaped. “How could _four hours_ have already passed?” Yuuri was silent and Viktor went deadpan. “Labyrinth Logic?”

“Labyrinth Logic.”

“Can y’all, like, stop flirting already?” Yurio snapped. “You’re making me sick!”

“Oh yeah!” Viktor remembered. “Yuuri, can I have the WiFi password?”

Yuuri raised an eyebrow. “What? Why? You don’t have a phone with you.”

Viktor smiled obliviously. “Oh, it’s for Yurio. He said if I got him the password, he’d take me through the Labyrinth.”

“ _What?!_ ”

“You _idiot!_ ” shouted Yurio. “Why would you _tell_ him that?!”

“Yuri Plisetsky, you are _not_ going the long way through the Labyrinth!” scolded Yuuri like an angry parent. “If you’re going to come home, you call me and I’ll take you home!”

“Give me the damn WiFi password, you goddamn pixie!” Yurio screamed back.

“Absolutely not! For bullying my guest, you’re grounded!” Yuuri declared. “And you are _not_ walking home! You’re coming home with me right now!” He attempted to place a hand on Yurio’s shoulder.

Yurio smacked the hand away. “Fuck off! I can do what I want! You’re not my dad!”

“ _Yuri Plisetsky—_ “

“You know what, I’m taking the long way home because you can’t tell me what to do! Fuck you! Come on, old man!” Yurio barked.

“Wait, old man—? _Do you mean me?_ ” asked Viktor in offense.

“‘Do I mean you?’ Yes, I mean you, grey hairs! Let’s go before I change my mind!” Yurio stomped off down another passageway, flinging open a door Viktor didn’t remember being there.

“Oh, uh— Coming!” Viktor replied, jogging quickly after Yurio.

“ _Yuri!_ ” shouted Yuuri behind them, but the door slammed shut, cutting him off.

Viktor looked around the tunnel he and Yurio had entered a few minutes ago. “Uh... so where are we now?” he asked.

“On the right path, that’s where we are,” Yuri grumbled back, evidently in a bad mood. Well, he was always in a bad mood, but this was a _worse_ mood.

Viktor followed Yuri in silence for a while until the teen’s shoulders had dropped and he no longer looked quite so furious. Viktor had a lot of thoughts racing through his mind after that encounter. “Did... Yuuri really kidnap you?” he finally asked the teen.

Yurio didn’t even look back at him. “Yeah? So?”

“That’s... kinda fucked up, don’t you think?” Viktor commented. Yurio sniffed.

“Ha. Maybe if you don’t consider that my parents _wished_ for him to come take me,” Yurio said. He went silent for a moment. “They didn’t do what you did. They never even asked if they could get me back.”

“Oh…” Viktor looked down to his feet in a moment of somber silence. “Then Yuuri raised you?”

“Yep.”

“Why? I thought the Goblin King turned babies into goblins.” That’s what the movie had said, right?

“The old Goblin King did,” Yurio explained. “Yuuri just raises them as his children in hopes of finding an heir.”

Viktor paused. “An heir?”

“Well, duh. You don’t think those little gremlin looking goblins are gonna suddenly turn into a humanoid sorcerer out of nowhere, do you? Yuuri was human once, too.” Viktor looked up in surprise, but Yurio still didn’t look back at him. Yuuri was a human once?

“Is he... still human?” Viktor asked after another few moments of contemplative silence. Yuri was quiet, seeming to debate his answer.

Suddenly, there was a loud whirring sound and the screeching of metal against metal. Yuri froze and went pale. “Oh _fuck_ ,” the teen cursed.

“What? What is that?” Viktor asked, looking all around them.

“I forgot about the Cleaners!”

“The Cleaners?” Wait, Viktor remembered that term... wasn’t that the goblin-run knife machine that chased Sarah and Hoggle in the movie? Viktor went pale as well. “Wait... that means...”

“What, you gonna ponder it all day?” Yurio snapped. “It means _bad!_ Now _run!_ ” The two of them broke into a sprint, gaining some distance on the horrible whirring noise that now came distinctly from behind them. However, it wasn’t long before they ran into a gate blocking the entire passageway, locked up with chains.

“Shit! Shit, shit, shit!” cursed Yurio in a panic, grabbing the bars of the gate and shaking it.

Viktor remembered this from the movie, though, and he looked around them until his eyes settled on a discolored patch of wall. “Yurio! Help me push down this wall!” he shouted.

“It’s _Yuri!_ ” The teen joined Viktor, though, and the two of them gave a great push.

Against Viktor’s expectations, though, the wall immediately gave, falling over with Viktor and Yurio atop of it. Viktor grunted as he hit the ground. Huh. He’d thought that was going to be a lot harder… Apparently an Olympic athlete had more strength than a teenage girl Who knew?

Yurio sputtered, sitting up and trying to regain his dignity. He looked left and right before settling a glare on Viktor. “How’d you know to do that?” Yurio asked as the Cleaners whirred on past them, never even getting close to impaling them on the blades.

“I…saw it in a movie,” Viktor answered vaguely. He had a feeling Yurio wouldn’t believe him if he said that the entire Labyrinth was from an 80s film.

Yurio scoffed. “A _movie_. Some genius you are, taking on the Labyrinth going off _movie tips_.”

“It’s worked for me this far, hasn’t it?” Viktor pointed out.

“Whatever,” grumbled Yurio, standing up and brushing himself off. He did a 360, scanning their surroundings before noticing a ladder on the wall. “Ah, here it is!” he announced as if he’d known it would be there all along before grabbing on and beginning to climb. Viktor climbed up after him. The ladder creaked and swayed beneath their weight. It seemed ancient, like the wood would give out any minute, but Viktor just steeled himself, resolved not to look down, and kept climbing.

After a considerable climb, Yurio moved what Viktor thought was a manhole cover before climbing out into the light of day. Viktor climbed after him only to discover that the cover was, in fact, a lid to a large ceramic pot from which they had just emerged. Viktor hopped out, pleased to put his feet back on solid ground, and looked around. They were in a box garden surrounded by opening to what looked like a hedge maze. Viktor turned his attention to Yurio. “Where to next, guide?” he asked with a hint of mirth.

Yurio looked left and right. He took a few steps forward before repeating the action again, brow furrowed. He walked one way, then another, looking between openings to passageways in the hedge. It took Viktor a moment to realize it, but…

“You’re lost.”

“I’m not lost!” Yurio snapped.

“You are, or you wouldn’t be looking around in confusion like that,” Viktor pointed out. “I thought you knew the way through the Labyrinth!”

“Well!” Yurio looked down, face going pink with embarrassment and anger. “Well, this wouldn’t even be a _problem_ if you had just gotten the damn WiFi password!” he shouted.

“What does _that_ have to do with anything?” Viktor asked in complete bafflement.

“If I could connect to the damn Wifi, I could just Google Maps it like I usually do!” Yurio exclaimed.

Of course.

Viktor sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Well, _now_ what do we do?”

“Shut it!” Yurio demanded. “I’ve been through here before, so I can figure it out again! Follow me!” Yurio stomped off into the hedge maze, and Viktor reluctantly followed him. However, as soon as the two of them entered the maze, they walked right back out into the box garden from the opposite entrance to which they’d just gone. Viktor looked in astonishment at the ceramic pot lid on the ground, confirming they were exactly back where they’d started. “What the hell?” Yurio growled before charging into another entrance. Viktor didn’t follow this time, but sure enough, Yurio appeared right back in the garden at the opposite entrance.

“They don’t go anywhere,” Viktor commented, still amazed at the magic of the Labyrinth.

“No shit, really? I thought we were really getting somewhere!” Yurio hissed sarcastically before stomping through another entrance only to come back out the opposite one again. The teen screamed in frustration, tugging at his hair comically.

While Yurio threw his temper tantrum, though, Viktor looked around. He remembered Yuuri’s warning that things were never what they seemed in this place and turned in a slow circle. When he’d turned all the way around, he spotted an old woman sitting by the ceramic pot they’d come from. She hadn’t been there before, but Viktor had come to expect that of this place by now. The woman had a stern face with piercing eyes, her hair pulled back in a neat ballerina’s bun. Atop her head was a hat that looked like the neck and head of a peacock, and by the way it was eying him, Viktor assumed it wasn’t dead.

“It’s rude to stare!” squawked the peacock atop the woman’s head.

“Ah, sorry,” Viktor apologized. “I was wondering if I could ask for some directions.

“What?” screamed Yurio behind him. “We don’t need _damn directions_ , just give me a minute!”

Viktor ignored him. The peacock looked the skater up and down before finally saying, “Questions for the wise Madame Lilia are going to cost you a donation.”

Viktor faltered. “I’m sorry, but I don’t have any money, and I already gave away my ring,” he explained. “Is there some other way I could pay you?”

“Hm...” hummed the peacock before opening its beak as if to send Viktor away.

“Do a pirouette,” interrupted the woman, Lilia, herself.

“What?” squawked the peacock.

“What?” asked Viktor.

“Show me a perfect pirouette, and I will answer your question,” Lilia explained, leveling Viktor with an even sterner stare.

Viktor furrowed his brow. “Pirouette? Like ballet? But I’m not wearing dance shoes, and I haven’t stretched, and—“

“Now!” snapped the woman.

Okay, okay. Viktor used to do ballet. He could do this! Viktor prepped before twirling in what he thought was a rather well executed pirouette considering his lack of practice. “There!” he said, holding out his hands in a ‘Ta-da!’ fashion.

“What was that?” sneered Lilia.

“What? You asked for a pirouette!” exclaimed Viktor.

“You call _that_ mess of loose limbs and poor form a pirouette? Again!” Viktor gaped for a moment. However, he steeled himself before attempting the turn again. He looked at Lilia expectantly, but she shook her head angrily. “No, no, no! All wrong! Your posture is terrible, your free leg is far too sloppy, and you can barely manage a simple turn! Again!”

“This is ridiculous!” Viktor complained. “I haven’t danced ballet in years! Give me a break!”

“Give _me_ a perfect pirouette, or consider your question unanswered!” Lilia shot back. Viktor sighed and prepared to try again when suddenly, he was roughly shoved to the side. He looked up in surprise to see Yurio perform a graceful pirouette with ease.

“Y-Yurio...?” Viktor gaped.

“Excellent!” Lilia praised. “Now _that_ was a pirouette! You may ask your question now.”

Yuri looked to Viktor, and Viktor could’ve sworn there was a tinge of pink on the teen’s cheeks. “Well? Ask for damn directions already!”

Viktor snapped back to focus. “O-Oh, right! Madame, we need to get to the castle at the center of the Labyrinth. Can you tell us the way?”

Lilia looked pleased and spoke in a wise voice, “The way forward is sometimes the way back, and the way backward is forward.” Viktor and Yurio were silent for a moment.

“What?” asked Viktor.

“I did a goddamn pirouette for _that_ shitty truism?!” screeched Yurio. “Give us better directions, hag!”

“The wise Madame Lilia only answers one question per donation,” squawked the peacock.

Yurio looked ready to explode. “Fuck this! Old man, we’ll figure it out on our own!” Yurio grabbed Viktor’s wrist and began to stomp off again.

“Wait!” Viktor tried to stop him. “But what did that advice _mean?_ ”

“Who cares? We’re going!” Yurio snapped.

Viktor and Yurio attempted to leave the box garden again and again, but every way they took, they immediately would walk right back into the garden they started in. As soon as they’d left once, Lilia had disappeared, removing that option for them entirely. Yurio grew livid and started shouting curses, but Viktor stopped in the middle of the garden and thought about what Lilia said. “The way backward is forward,” he mumbled to himself. He had an idea. “Yurio?”

“It’s _Yuri!_ ”

“Let’s try walking out of here backwards.”

“ _What?_ ”

“You heard what Madame Lilia said. ‘The way backward is forward.’ I think she was telling us to try leaving here backward,” Viktor explained.

“No way!” snapped Yurio. “That’s stupid! There’s no way that’s going to work, and I’m not going to embarrass myself to sate your curiosity! No!”

Viktor, however, had already approached one of the entrances to the hedge maze. He turned around, facing Yurio who looked at him like the biggest idiot in the world, and began to walk backward until his disappeared into the maze. Yurio crossed his arms and waited for Viktor to wind up right back in the garden, but after a few moments, Yurio realized he was still alone. His jaw dropped. “No fucking way,” he mumbled to himself before turning around and walking backward after Viktor.

Viktor and Yurio only had to walk backwards a little ways before they spotted a turn and took the chance to start walking normally again. Luckily for them, they’d seemed to have broken through the magical barrier of the box garden. Viktor stayed quiet for a while as he and Yurio continued navigating their way through the hedge maze. Yurio occasionally grumbled something to himself, but eventually he seemed to calm down.

Viktor finally spoke. “How did you manage such a perfect pirouette back there?”

Yurio hesitated as if he wasn’t really keen on answering that question. He finally answered, “Yuuri’s made me take ballet classes since I was young. He likes ballet a lot.” Viktor hummed. Yuuri and ballet? Somehow, those things fit together seamlessly in Viktor’s head. For some reason, Viktor imagined Yuuri was an excellent dancer.

“You know, Yuuri really does act like your dad,” Viktor commented.

Yurio looked at him with a grimace. “Oh god, not you too! He’s not my damn dad!”

Viktor opened his mouth to argue the point when suddenly, there was a loud roar. Viktor jumped, looking around them with wide eyes. “What was that?”

“Not our problem is what that was!” Yurio replied, immediately turning to walk away from the noise. Viktor hung back, though.

“But Yurio! Things are never what they seem in this place! That could be a friend!” Viktor argued.

Yurio didn’t look back. “Don’t care! I’m not walking toward the loud scary noise!”

Viktor huffed. Yurio was so stubborn. “Suit yourself, then! I’ll go check it out myself!” Viktor declared, turning in the direction of the noise.

“Fine! Have fun getting killed!” Yurio snapped before stomping off, mumbling to himself about Viktor being an idiot. Viktor felt apprehensive about parting ways with Yurio at this point, but something in his gut told him that this was indeed a good idea. Viktor navigated the hedge maze in the general direction of the noise. Viktor soon stumbled upon a clearing, but he stayed within the cover of the bushes at first. After all, there was a chance that he was wrong and that he would end up getting himself killed if he wasn’t careful. Viktor peeked out from behind the hedge to survey the situation.

The clearing was marked by one large tree, from which a big monster with bright, curly red hair hung upside down by the ankle. Below it, goblins ran around with nipper sticks, tormenting the poor thing. The monster wailed again in what Viktor now realized was distress. Oh! So this must be the Ludo of Viktor’s journey. Viktor had to help this beast, then! Viktor looked around and found some very convenient rocks piled by his feet. He picked one up and threw it at the goblins. It struck one on its helmeted head, knocking the armor over its eyes. It said something Viktor couldn’t make out, whirling around and accidentally nipping another goblin with its nipper stick. The second goblin yelped and accidentally swung its own nipper stick into a third goblin. This continued until all the goblins were biting each other with their nipper sticks. The goblins ran around chaotically before squeaking, “Retreat! Retreat!” and fleeing into the hedge maze.

Viktor cautiously stepped out from his hiding place and approached the red monster. It promptly roared at him, but Viktor could tell it was just scared and put his hands on his hips. “Is that any way to greet someone who’s trying to help you?” he chided and the monster whimpered.

“Mila! Down!” the beast howled.

“Mila?” This was a _girl_ beast, Viktor realized. “Okay, Mila, one second!” He looked around and found where the rope hanging her was tied to the roots of the large tree. Viktor fumbled with the knot until it came unraveled, followed by a loud _thump_ and a roar behind him. Viktor whirled around to see Mila rubbing her head. “Oh, Mila! I’m sorry!” Viktor apologized.

Mila merely looked at Viktor, though. “Mila… safe?” she asked.

Viktor nodded. “Yeah, you’re safe now! I’m Viktor. I’m a friend.” Viktor said, placing a gentle hand on the beast’s hairy arm.

Mila’s entire face lit up. “Viktor—friend?”

“That’s right.”

“Viktor! Friend!” she repeated excitedly, standing up.

Viktor smiled before having an idea. “Mila! Do you know how to get to the castle beyond the Goblin City?”

Mila thought for a moment before shaking her head. “No.”

Viktor sighed. It figured that the one straightforward friend he’d made here didn’t know the way, either. “Alright. That’s okay, Mila. I have to find my way there, though. You can come if you want to.”

Mila said nothing, merely turning to stand by Viktor’s side. He laughed. He supposed that was a ‘yes.’

Viktor and Mila entered the hedge maze once more, but they almost immediately came upon a dead end with two doors. Viktor groaned. Not another riddle! Each door had a grotesque face as a knocker. The one on the left had a ring through its ears while the other carried a ring in its mouth. The one with the ring through its ears shouted something at them, but Viktor vaguely remembered this from the movie once he got a good look at the knockers. All he had to do was knock, right? Sarah had taken the door on the right, so Viktor knocked on it. The door creaked open to a dark and very glittery forest. Viktor prepared to enter the woods but paused, back stepping to the knocker on that door. He’d always felt bad when Sarah didn’t take the ring out of its mouth in the movie, so Viktor grabbed the heavy ring, pulling it out from the knocker’s lips.

The knocker gasped, taking several labored breaths and smacking its lips. “Thank you! Gah, you have no idea how long that thing has been in my mouth!” it said.

Viktor nodded his head. “Actually, I think I might have an idea.” He turned back to Mila, waving her onward. “Come on, Mila.” Viktor dropped the heavy knocker ring to the ground and he and Mila entered the forest, the door slamming shut behind them.

As Viktor and Mila trekked through the woods, Viktor realized that this forest was probably supposed to be creepy. The plants and leaves were all shriveled and grey, and there was an eerie atmosphere about the place. However, Viktor kind of found it hard to be scared on account of the large quantity of glitter on everything. Really, Yuuri needed to ease up on the special effects. There was a point where glitter took away more than it added to a scene.

Viktor wondered if they were going the right way, though. He couldn’t see the castle no matter which way he looked, so he didn’t even have a general direction to go off of. Viktor stopped in front of a tree, considering climbing it for a better vantage point when he hear a crash and the start of a roar behind him. He whirled around, and Mila wasn’t there. Oh fuck.

“Mila?” Viktor called out. “Mila, where are you? Mila?!” There was no response, and Viktor realized that she probably got swallowed by the earth like Ludo did at this point in the movie. Viktor chewed his lip. Well, if that was the case, then wasn’t it okay? Mila would be fine. Viktor just needed to hurry on his way so that he could catch up with her. He broke into a run, hoping he’d run into his monstrous friend sooner rather than later, but before he could get far, a girl suddenly jumped out in front of him.

Viktor skidded to a halt. The girl looked at him curiously, like an animal inspecting something it had never seen before. She was wearing fake cat ears and a t-shirt that said something on it in Japanese. Viktor tensed. Was this girl a weeaboo? He’d already run into a Nice Guy; how many internet trope characters was he going to meet today?

The girl grinned widely. “Have you heard about Yuri? KYAAAAH, he’s so _adorable!_ ” she squealed. Viktor furrowed his brow in confusion. At first, he assumed she was talking about the hot Goblin King, Yuuri, but the pronunciation was off. Was she talking about Yuri? Like, Yurio Yuri? Before Viktor could ask, several other girls jumped out of the trees, surrounding Viktor and screaming in high pitched voices. Viktor winced at the assault to his ears. The girls were wearing various merchandise featuring cats and Yurio’s face, so that had to be the Yuri they meant. Why, though? Why did Yurio have a hoard of girls wearing his face?

Viktor wondered, though, if these girls knew where the castle was. Since they were so obsessed with Yurio and he supposedly lived there, surely they did, right? Maybe Viktor could sway them to give him directions. It was worth a shot, at least. Viktor cleared his throat and spoke, “You know, I met Yuri not too long ago. He and I are friends.”

The change in the girls was like a switch had been flipped. However, it was the opposite effect Viktor had expected. The fangirls suddenly fixed Viktor with murderous glares. “You spoke to Yuri?” one growled.

“ _Our_ Yuuri?” the others chorused.

Viktor froze. Oh no. He’d made a mistake. These were _possessive_ fangirls. Viktor laughed nervously and backed away from the girls. “Ah… N-No! I’d never get too close to Yuri!” he stammered.

This seemed to outrage the girls even more. “What? Do you think Yuri’s not _good enough_ for you? Who do you think you are?!” The girls encroached upon Viktor, and the man felt an imminent sense of danger.

“Uh, I…” he tried, but the girls were chattering about themselves and not listening. They got closer and closer to him, and Viktor kept backing up until his back hit a wall. He looked up to find he’d been cornered at the bottom of a cliff. _Shit!_ The girls got louder and closer, pulling out various Yurio merchandise. Viktor was out of ideas. “Someone _help!_ ” he screamed into the air as a fangirl smacked him with her Yuri Plisetsky brand umbrella.

Yurio was still wandering around the hedge maze, grumbling to himself. “That idiot is probably dead by now,” he mumbled grouchily. “I warned him!” Yurio was frustrated; how the hell did you get out of this maze? He was debating what to do when he heard a scream distinctly sounding like Viktor. “Well,” Yurio said to himself, “I warned him.” He heard another scream and got more annoyed, clenching his fists. “That idiot! I told him not to go toward the scary sound, but _no!_ He had to go see what it was!” More screams, and Yurio clenched his jaw before he finally snapped. “God damn it! I have to do _everything_ myself!” Yurio took off in the direction of the screams.

However, Yurio turned a corner and ran smack into Yuuri, who stood with his hands behind his back looking rather meek. Yurio narrowed his eyes. “Oh. It’s _you._ ” Yurio snapped. “What do you want now? I’m not going back with you.”

“Oh, I know,” Yuuri said, shifting his weight between his feet nervously. “I’ve thought it over, and you’re right. Maybe going through the Labyrinth on your own is a good test of your independence!”

Yurio gaped. “Oh, _come on!_ Don’t try to make it sound like it was _your_ idea!”

“Yurio—”

“Don’t you _dare_ start calling me that stupid nickname, either! Now move! The moron’s getting himself killed!”

“Wait! If you’re going to see Viktor, can you, uh…” Yuuri shifted nervously again.

Yurio rolled his eyes, completely and utterly fed up. “What? Spit it out!”

Yuuri held out what was behind his back. “Can you give him these?” he squeaked.

Yurio peered closely at the bag in Yuuri’s hand. It contained frosted cookies that looked like a poodle’s face. Yurio was in disbelief and gave Yuuri a judgmental stare. “You want me to give your boyfriend a gift from you? _Really?_ ”

Yuuri blushed profusely. “H-He’s not my boyfriend! And I... I just made extra, that’s all!”

“Uh huh. I’m sure that’s why they look like his dog’s face. Real subtle.”

“Whatever! Will you just give them to him? Please?” Yuuri begged.

Yurio wanted to kill everyone and then himself. “Ugh, _fine!_ ” He snatched the cookies from the Goblin King and stomped past him to go find Viktor.

Yuuri returned to his castle and started grooming himself. Those weren’t just any cookies, after all. Yuuri had baked them with just the right amount of affection and magic to make them something Viktor would never forget.

Viktor was pushing clawing fangirls away from him and yelling for help. “Someone! Please!” he screamed as one grabbed ahold of his long silver hair and pulled it hard.

Suddenly, a rope dropped down beside Viktor. He looked up to see the blond head of Yurio looking over the cliff’s edge. The fangirls went into chaotic uproar at the sight of him. “Well, dipshit? Grab it!” Yurio shouted as the fangirls released Viktor to throw various merchandise up at Yurio. Viktor did as told, and Yurio began to pull him up. “Damn it! You weigh a ton, old man!” Yurio griped.

“I’m not old!” Viktor shot back.

“Can it if you want to live!” Yurio pulled Viktor the rest of the way up, and Viktor collapsed atop the cliff, panting. Gifts and merchandise continued to rain down harmlessly around them, the screeches at the bottom of the cliff like those of harpies.

“W-What _were_ those girls?” Viktor panted.

Yurio grimaced. “Yuri’s Angels. _My fanclub._ Be grateful they didn’t take your eye out.” Viktor calmed his heartrate down to normal before standing up. Yurio automatically began leading the way again, and the two walked down a path. “Now—“ Yurio began.

Viktor gasped in realization. “You came back for me!”

“No I didn’t!” Yurio snapped immediately, turning his back to Viktor.

“Yes you did! Awwwe, you actually care about me!” Viktor cooed. Yurio shot him a deadly glare, but it was softened by the pink blush on his cheeks.

“No I don’t! I don’t, I—“ Yurio shouted. Suddenly, though, the ground opened up beneath Viktor and Yurio, and they screamed as they fell down a pit.

Yurio fell first, and when they reached the bottom of the chute, Viktor barely managed to get his balance on the ledge he fell onto and grab Yurio before the teen could fall into... Viktor was suddenly assaulted by the worst smell he’d ever encountered in his life. It was indescribable, like the top three worst scents in existence mixed together and amplified sevenfold then pushed right in front of his nose. He gagged. “What... is _that?_ ”

Yurio dangled helplessly from Viktor’s hand. “The Bog of Eternal Stench! Now pull me up before you drop me into it!” Viktor pulled him up, and they each pressed themselves to the wall and began side stepping along the ledge.

“Why does it smell so _bad?_ ” Viktor asked, pinching his nose. It barely helped, though; it was like the smell was invading every one of his senses. His eyes began tearing up.

“Hell if I know!” Yurio replied, gagging himself. “But if so much as one drop of it touches you, you’ll stink like it forever, so don’t be careless!”

Just as Yurio said that, though, a brick slipped out from beneath Viktor’s foot, and the ledge crumbled beneath them. Viktor screamed before landing on something big and soft.

“Ouch! Mila—hurt!” cried Mila beneath Viktor.

“Mila!” Viktor exclaimed joyfully. “You’re safe!

“SMEEELL!” she hollered in response. Viktor got off of her and looked around.

“Wait, where’s Yurio?” he said, not seeing the blond anywhere. He heard muffled screaming and noticed two converse-clad feet sticking out from underneath Mila. Mila looked around for the noise before standing, and Yurio scrambled out from beneath her, screaming.

“You hairy hag! Watch where you’re sitting!” Yurio shouted before looking up at her, his eyes going huge. He backed away with an expression of disgust and slight fear. “H-Hey... Don’t you dare—“

Viktor stepped between them. “It’s okay! Yurio, this is Mila. She’s a friend,” he explained.

“SMEEELL!” Mila hollered again. Viktor pat her arm sympathetically.

“Mila, this is Yurio—“

“Yuri!” snapped the teen.

“He’s also a friend,” Viktor said with certainty.

Yurio looked at him in shocl. “I am _not_ your friend!”

“Yes you are,” Viktor argued. “You came back to save me from your fangirls, so you’re my friend.”

Yurio flushed and looks ready to scream, but Mila pointed a big, clawed finger past Viktor. Viktor turned around and saw a bridge. “Ah! Good work, Mila!” he praised the beast. He approached the bridge with Mila and Yuri following him, albeit reluctantly in the latter’s case. It was a small stone bridge, and it looked ancient. Viktor wondered if it would even support their weight when something jumped out in front of them. Viktor startled, afraid that the fangirls might be back, but it looked like it was actually some sort of small fox.

The fox gave them a lazy look with a smile that Viktor could only describe as sultry. “Hello~ I’m afraid I cannot let you pass,” it purred in a weirdly sexy voice. Viktor stared at it. Was it supposed to be some kind of foxy fox? Was this a pun? The Labyrinth was really doing puns now?

“Ah, hi,” Viktor greeted. “Why can’t we pass?”

“I’ve been sworn to protect this bridge. You cannot pass without my permission,” the fox said leaning up against the side of the bridge coolly.

Viktor thought about this. This must be the Sir Didymus of Viktor’s journey. “Well,” he said, “can we have your permission?”

The fox smiled and chuckled. “Clever one, aren’t you? Maybe~ I’ll think about it, for a price,” it purred.

Oh no. Not this again. “I don’t have any money on me, and I don’t have any jewelry or anything but the clothes on my back, either,” Viktor disclaimed before he was asked for riches or something else ridiculous.

The fox gave a strangely cat-like grin. “That’s all I need~ Give me your shirt, and I’ll let you pass.”

“What?!” screeched Yurio.

The fox regarded the teen dismissively. “Not you. I don’t interact with minors.”

Yurio looked absolutely disgusted, but Viktor considered the proposition before shrugging. “Okay,” he agreed. “I don’t see why not.” He pulled his shirt of his head and held it out to the fox.

The fox merely grinned, though. “Oh, I was kidding. You can keep that. I just wanted to see what was underneath,” it said, laughing to itself.

Viktor felt oddly like he was being sexually harassed. By a _fox_. Viktor quickly put his shirt back on and asked, “So? Can we pass now?”

The fox chuckled. “A deal is a deal.” The fox sauntered from their path, no longer blocking the way. Viktor started to approach it but stopped, remembering. “We’re going to the Goblin Castle. Do you know the way?” he asked the fox. The fox smiled again.

“I know the way as far as the Goblin City, if you’d like some guidance,” it offered.

“Really?” Viktor said excitedly before freezing. “Wait. Are you going to make me strip again?”

The fox laughed, this time good-naturedly. “No, no. I’ve had my fun. Come.” It whistled, and a somewhat large cat wearing a saddle came trotting up to it from behind a tree. The fox climbed onto its back. “My name is Christophe, by the way. Charmed, I’m sure,” the fox introduced himself, tipping his plumed hat.

Viktor began to feel more at ease about the strangely sensual fox. “I’m Viktor, and this is Yurio—“

“Yuri!”

“—and Mila. We’re going to get my dog back from the Goblin King, Yuuri,” Viktor explained.

“Your dog? Hmm, I’m more of a cat person,” Christophe purred. Yurio looked mortified that this fox was joining their party and quickly walked across the bridge. Viktor started to follow him, eager to get away from the horrid smell of the bog. Suddenly, though, the bridge crumbled beneath his feet. Viktor screamed, grabbing onto an overhanging tree branch. He dangled helplessly over the Bog of Eternal Stench.

“Help!” Viktor shrieked, kicking his feet. He could already feel the branch he was clinging to snapping. “I don’t want to stink forever!”

Mila threw back her head and roared into the air, and everyone looked at her. “Mila?” asked Christophe. Mila roared again, and like magic, a large boulder rolled past Yurio, making the teen shriek and jump out of its way. The boulder rolled into the bog, making a platform below Viktor, and Viktor dropped into it.

He gaped. “Mila...? Did you...?”

“She can summon rocks? How does _that_ work?” exclaimed Yurio.

Mila simply nodded in response. “Rocks—Friend,” she said matter-of-factly as if that explained everything. She howled again, and several more large rocks rose from the bog, making a pathway across.

“Amazing, Mila!” Viktor praised. He hopped between the rocks over to Yurio, and Mila and Christophe followed.

Christophe took the lead, looking back at the party. “Now, to the Goblin City!” he cheerily announced.

The party walked through the woods, Christophe leading the way on his cat. The stench of the Bog of Eternal Stench faded behind them, and Viktor, Yurio, and Mila collectively sighed in relief.

“How long will it take to get to the Goblin Castle?” Viktor asked Christophe, walking beside the small fox and his cat.

“We should be there by dawn,” Christophe helpfully answered.

Viktor gaped. “Dawn? Oh no... My time will surely be out by then!”

Yurio chimed in. “Oh, stop bitching. Time passes weirdly in the Labyrinth. We’ll make it.”

“How can you be sure?” Viktor asked, feeling uneasy.

“Because Yuuri would throw a fit if I was out all night,” Yurio answered simply. “There’s gotta be a shortcut somewhere.”

Viktor was about to reply when his stomach growled. He realized that the popcorn he’d eaten with his movie was hours ago, and he was _starving_.

“Hungry,” moaned Mila, and Viktor nodded.

“Me, too, Mila. Maybe there’s some berries or something around here? We don’t really have time to detour, but—“

“Here.” Viktor blinked to see Yurio holding out a bag of…cookies. Viktor tentatively took and inspected one. They looked like Makkachin.

“Yurio!” Viktor gasped. “These are so cute! Where’d you get them?”

Yurio crossed his arms, looking incredibly put off. “Yuuri told me to give them to you. Apparently he’s trying to win you over with _food_ now.”

Viktor considered this with caution. Wasn’t this the point in the journey when Sarah ate the peach from Jareth and forgot everything? Maybe taking food from the Goblin King was a bad idea, but... somehow, Viktor knew that wasn’t the case. Yuuri wasn’t like Jareth. At no point in this journey had Yuuri attempted to hinder him, and the glittery magician didn’t seem like he necessarily wanted Viktor to lose, either. Hadn’t he said himself that he only did this because he hadn’t had a choice? Yeah... Yuuri wasn’t evil. These cookies were probably just a token of affection, since the Goblin King had seemed to take a liking to Viktor. Viktor smiled and took a bite out of the cookie in his hand. It was rich and delicious.

Immediately, however, the colors of the world began to blur, and Viktor felt dizzy. Oh shit. He was wrong. Viktor crumpled to the ground, staring at the sunset-colored sky. The colors seemed to be swaying in a sort of waltz. “The sky’s dancing,” he said hazily before passing out.

Yurio gaped in shock as Viktor collapsed and then suddenly, in the blink of an eye, was gone. What the hell? What had Yuuri done to those cookies?! Mila and Christophe looked shocked for a moment before looking at Yurio accusingly. Uh oh. This probably looked bad. “H-Hey!” he stammered. “I didn’t know Yuuri had enchanted those cookies! Don’t look at me like... like...!” But this was his fault, wasn’t it? He had given Viktor the cookies without even questioning what Yuuri might have done to them. Yurio suddenly felt sick. He stared at the ground in silence for a few moments before turning around and running away from Mila and Christophe. He heard shouts of ‘Young boy! Wait!’ and ‘Yurio! _Friend!_ ’ behind him, but he didn’t look back.

Viktor was in a haze. All the colors were dancing and twisting themselves into humanoid shapes, waltzing in circles around him. Was he dying? He didn’t know, but he blinked his eyes several times in an attempt to clear the fog that had settled over everything. He closed his eyes again, and this time when he opened them, he found himself in a ballroom. Dancers waltzed around him in gorgeous costumes and dresses, all wearing masks. They looked at him strangely, and Viktor realized he wasn’t wearing a mask himself. For some reason, that made him feel self-conscious. There was a great clock in the corner of the ballroom with its hour hand at twelve.

Viktor looked around him, but all the dancers bobbing up and down like gentle waves of the ocean confused him. Where was he? How had he gotten here? What was he doing again? He caught a reflection of himself in a large mirror on the wall. He was wearing a gorgeous magenta costume with princely golden accessories, and his long, silver hair was in a beautiful braided style. He then realized that the entire ballroom was staring at him not because he didn’t wear a mask, but because he looked stunning.

He looked around again, and his eyes got caught on a single figure in a costume identical to his in a deep blue color. The man was wearing a mask, but Viktor easily recognized him somehow. “Yuuri,” he found himself whispering. The figure, who was dancing with a woman in a gorgeous gown, smiled at him before disappearing. Viktor frantically spun, twisting his head left and right in search of Yuuri, but it was like he’d just disappeared. Viktor felt eyes on him, though, piercing ones that stood out from the stares of the crowd. Yuuri was watching him from somewhere, and Viktor pushed his way through the crowd in search of him. He ended up in front of the mirror, though, and he stared at himself in bewilderment before catching the figure of Yuuri appearing behind him with an outstretched hand. Viktor almost expected him to disappear again when he turned around, but the man was still there, maskless now, holding out his hand invitingly to Viktor. Viktor took it without a second thought. He wasn’t sure how, but he melted into a waltz with Yuuri. He’d never learned such a dance before, he was sure, but his feet followed Yuuri’s instinctively. He looked down at Yuuri in a sort of trance, and the other man smiled up at him with an air of mystery.

Something about that rang alarm bells to Viktor. “Where am I?” he asked softly.

“You’re in my ballroom,” Yuuri responded.

“Why can’t I remember anything?”

“I’m afraid that’s a side effect of the magic that brought you here. Do not worry, the spell will undo itself, and you’ll remember with time.”

Viktor paused, looking at his feet and gathering his thoughts. “So you brought me here? Why?”

Suddenly, Yuuri seemed to grow a bit sheepish, his cheeks taking on a pink tint. “Forgive me. It was selfish of me, but I could not stand to see you come and go so quickly. I wanted to spend some time with you before you left forever.” Left forever? What did that mean? Viktor couldn’t remember anything but the ballroom. However, he had a feeling of urgency in his stomach, like he was forgetting something important. “You seem distressed, Viktor. Please do not be. I wish for this to be a pleasant experience.”

Viktor looked at Yuuri again. “Why do I feel like I’m forgetting something important?” he asked.

Yuuri sighed. “You are, I’m afraid. But do not worry about that now. Time passes differently here; you are in no hurry.” Somehow, Viktor knew he could trust Yuuri. Viktor fell silent and focused instead on the music, following Yuuri’s lead as he was twirled around the ballroom. It was magical, really. Viktor felt like he was in a dream. It was the same way he’d felt the first time he’d stepped onto the ice.

Viktor paused. “I’m an ice skater,” he said. “Is that true?”

“It is. You’re a beautiful skater, Viktor.”

“Why do I remember that but nothing else?”

“Because it’s a part of who you are. You could never forget that.”

Viktor and Yuuri danced in silence for what felt like hours, but when Viktor glanced at the clock, only five minutes had gone by. He frowned. “You said time passes differently here. However, I still feel as though I need to hurry.”

Yuuri sighed. “You have almost met your goal, Viktor. You only have until the clock strikes 13, but you hardly have anything to worry about. When you wake from this, you will find what you seek.”

“You’re rather cryptic, Yuuri,” Viktor pointed out. “Care to elaborate?”

“If I do, you’ll remember, and when you remember, this will end. I’m...” Yuuri looked down, face flushed pink. “I’m not ready for this to end.”

Viktor felt his heart skip a beat. He couldn’t remember his relationship to Yuuri, but somehow, he felt magnetically drawn to him. Yuuri was a beautiful man, with reddish cinnamon eyes framed between long, dark lashes. Those eyes seemed to ensnare Viktor in an inescapable trance. Viktor found himself asking, “Then why not keep me here forever? You can do so, I’m sure of it.”

Yuuri looked up to him with a pained smile. “Because you have something important you need to do. I won’t ruin that.” Viktor stopped on the dance floor, and couples bobbed around them like a stream of water. Viktor changed his hands’ positioning on Yuuri, taking ahold of his waist and changing which hand clutched Yuuri’s before beginning to waltz again, this time leading Yuuri.

“Then let me share this moment with you. Right here, right now,” Viktor said. Yuuri stared at Viktor with what seemed to be stars in his eyes and nodded. The two danced for what felt like hours, but when Viktor glanced at the clock, only another five minutes had gone by.

However, Yuuri sighed. “You must go back now,” he said. “This is only a dream. You aren’t really here. You’re in a fantasy.”

“I know,” said Viktor mournfully. “I don’t want to go, though. I don’t want to leave your side.”

Yuuri smiled sheepishly. “You’ll see me again. I promise.”

Viktor looked down at Yuuri, and it was like time had stopped. The sounds of the music and the dancers around them fell silent, and all Viktor could hear was his own heartbeat. He searched Yuuri’s eyes before his own flit down to the man’s lips. They looked so soft... Viktor leaned in, and Yuuri’s eyes fell shut. He could feel the man’s breath hitch against his lips, and he began to close his eyes.

Suddenly, there was a scream, and Viktor and Yuuri pulled away from each other, looking toward the noise. The mirror had cracked, and with it, the entire ballroom seemed to be breaking. “Viktor!” came a scream, resonating above it all like the voice of god. “Viktor, you gay asshole, wake up right now! You’re dreaming!” The dancers all screamed and ran in a flurry of chaos, and when Viktor looked in front of him, Yuuri was gone. Viktor walked over to the mirror, reflecting the colors of the ballroom in chaotic distortion, and Viktor grabbed a nearby chair. On impulse, he slammed the chair into the mirror, and everything completely fell apart.

Viktor was floating. He looked around him and saw little bits of his life floating with him from the destroyed ballroom. That ballroom was made of his own memories, wasn’t it? Viktor blinked and awoke on solid ground. He was uncomfortable, as if he was laying on a pile of junk, and he looked around to find that’s exactly what he was doing. Viktor held a half-eaten cookie in his hand that kind of looked like a dog. For some reason, he immediately flung it far away from him.

Viktor stood and looked around. He was in a junkyard, and little pieces of the ballroom were all around him. He stared at the chair he’d used to break the spell and thought. He was looking for something. He couldn’t remember what, though. Viktor took a step only to hear a loud screech as he stepped on some junk. “Hey! Get off of me!” the junk screamed. A pile of rubbish turned around to reveal a goblin lady carrying the pile of trash on her back. Viktor looked around and discovered that all the junk in the yard was in fact attached to someone, piles hobbling about on the backs of goblin women. Viktor turned to the one who was speaking to him.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there,” he apologized.

“Well, look where you’re going next time!” The rude, accusatory tone of the woman made Viktor frown. It reminded him of somebody. The woman eyed him curiously before suddenly taking on a much more docile demeanor. “Now, now, sweetie, don’t look so down.”

“I’m looking for something,” Viktor said blankly, staring at the ground.

“Well, you won’t find it here. Come along.” The goblin woman led Viktor to a tent covered in junk and ushered him inside.

Viktor blinked. He was in his bedroom. On the wall hung his first pair of skates, and his trophy case looked like it needed dusting. Viktor laid down on the bed, clutching a stuffed dog tissue box that laid there for a while. “It was all a bad dream,” he finally murmured to himself. “I better go make sure the front door is locked.” Viktor stood and walked to his bedroom door with an air of detachment, but when he opened it, the goblin woman waited on the other side. She pushed her way in, chattering to him.

“See? Isn’t it much nicer in here? You don’t need anything out there. Everything you need is right here. Look!” The women took Viktor’s skates down from the wall. “Your first skates! Don’t you remember when you first stepped foot on the ice? It was the moment that changed your life.” Viktor clutched his stuffed dog and took a seat in front of the vanity. He looked at his reflection to find that he looked very lost.

“And you really love your trophies, don’t you?” the woman continued. She placed one in Viktor’s arms. “Remember this one? You won this one in St. Petersburg when you were just a lad! And this one! This was from your first Grand Prix, don’t you remember?” Viktor didn’t, but the woman kept rattling on, piling trophies and medals on top of Viktor until the man looked in the mirror to find he had a considerable pile of awards on his back. Yes, his awards... That’s what he’d been looking for, weren’t they? That’s all that mattered in his life. His wins. His gold medals. His skating career.

Suddenly, though, something on the vanity caught Viktor’s attention. He picked it up, inspecting the Labyrinth DVD case. David Bowie looked stunning on the cover. Viktor had always found the man hot, but something about that gaze was nagging at Viktor. It reminded him of... Yes, Yuuri. The way Yuuri’s gaze was on him in the ballroom. Yuuri, the Goblin King...

“And this one is from—Viktor?” asked the Goblin woman. “Don’t you like your awards?” Viktor looked in his hands. The plush dog stared back at him with its sewn-on eyes.

“It’s all junk,” he said, the realization hitting him.

“Junk? This is junk?” she said, handing Viktor his most recent Grand Prix gold medal from his fifth consecutive win.

“Yes,” he declared, “it is! None of this means anything! My skating career means nothing! It doesn’t make me happy anymore! The only thing that makes me happy is...” Viktor looked at the stuffed dog again and gasped. “Makkachin! I need to go find Makkachin!” Viktor stood up, flinging medals and trophies away from him. He heard someone screaming his name.

“Viktor! Viktor!” called Mila and Christophe. He saw two hands reaching through the junk that made up the ceiling and grabbed them. He was pulled through the rubbish into the big, fuzzy arms of Mila.

“Mila! Christophe!” Viktor gasped. “Where was—What happened to me?”

“We don’t know,” said Christophe in that usual cool tone of his. “You ate the cookie and then just disappeared.”

“Yurio _gone!_ ” grunted Mila.

“What? Yurio’s gone?” Viktor gasped. “Where’d he go?”

“We don’t know,” answered Christophe, shaking his head. “We meant to ask him about the cookies he gave you, but he just ran away.”

Viktor looked down in thought. Now that he remembered, he realized that the voice that had broken through his ballroom dream was Yurio’s. Surely, he had been responsible for Viktor’s escape from that trance, right? “I don’t think he knew what the cookies would do. I was fine, anyway. I just entered a very nice dream. How long was I gone?” Viktor asked worriedly. What if the whole dream ordeal had cost him the time he needed to get back Makkachin?

“About fifteen minutes,” Christophe answered, and Viktor sighed with relief. “And look! We’re right outside the Goblin City.”

Viktor turned around, and there it was. The outer walls looked menacing, but the city didn’t seem to be that big. Surely they still had enough time to get to the castle? “Well,” Viktor said, “Let’s go, then!”

Viktor, Mila, and Christophe approached the gates to the Goblin City, but once they reached them, two goblin guards crossed their spears, blocking the way.

“You may not enter the city without permission,” boomed one of the guards, a rather large goblin who looked like he meant business. Viktor gulped. He had a feeling just asking for permission wasn’t going to work this time. But he had to get inside! Viktor considered his options, but he didn’t have time. He was ready to take his chances and just make a run for it when—

“Let them in. On my authority.” The goblin guards gasped when the door opened behind them to reveal Yurio. “The Goblin Prince!” whispered the goblin guards, and they immediately bowed and step aside. Yurio grimaced, looking like he hated the title.

“Yurio!” exclaimed Viktor, throwing his arms around the teen.

“It’s Yuri! Get off of me, old man!” screeched Yurio, but the usual venom in his tone was lacking.

Viktor pulled back, still holding Yurio by the shoulders. “Yurio,” he said seriously, “Did you wake me from my magical cookie-induced dream state?”

Yurio flushed and looked away, crossing his arms. “It’s not like I did it to help you,” he said. “I just wasn’t going to let Yuuri ruin our— _your_ quest because he was feeling gay. I destroyed his crystal ball, so he can’t do that again.”

Viktor almost corrected Yurio about how Yuuri wasn’t actually trying to stop them, but he knew it didn’t really matter. However, he did remember this part of the movie and grimaced. “Oh no. Are we about to face a giant robot and a fully equipped army?” Viktor asked nervously.

Yurio waved his hand dismissively. “Yuuri hasn’t called for any sort of guard or defense, and he’d never raise his army against me. He probably wouldn’t against you, either, but the point stands either way. It’s a straight shot to the Goblin Castle from here, but we only have 40 minutes left, so let’s go!”

“Yuri,” Viktor called out to the retreating teen earnestly. Yurio looked back in surprise when Viktor said his real name. “Thank you.” Viktor smiled.

“Whatever, old man. Let’s get your stupid dog back.”

The party walked to the castle, and the Goblin City was desolate. There wasn’t even the usual chatter of the goblins to break up the silence. The party is quiet as well, each of them realizing their journey had come to an end. Yurio waved away the guards at the entrance to the castle, and the party entered the main hall.

“Alright,” Viktor said, stopping. “This is it. Thank you all for helping me on this journey, but I’ll take it from here.”

“What?!” shrieked Yurio. “All of this, and _now_ you want to do it alone?!”

“I have to, Yurio. It’s how it’s done,” Viktor said, mimicking Sarah’s line from the movie.

“Don’t give me that bullshit excuse! You just want us out of the way so you can go confess your gay love to Yuuri!” Yurio accused.

Viktor flushed. “Well, I—“

“Nope, don’t bother!” said Yurio, immediately changing his mind about following Viktor any further. “We’ll be waiting out here. Go... do whatever you have to do.”

“But if you need us,” said Christophe, “don’t hesitate to call.”

Mila nodded. “Viktor _friend_.” Viktor smiled and waved to his new friends before walking up the stairs. He kept walking in what seemed to be the most obvious path to take through the castle until he reached the throne room. He entered, and the doors made a loud echoing slam when they closed behind him. Yuuri sat on the floor, facing away from Viktor with Makkachin’s head on his lap. He pet the dog slowly.

“Yuuri, I—“ Viktor began to speak.

“I know Viktor. You want him back. I can’t blame you,” Yuuri said, not looking up.

“No! Well, yes, I do want my dog back, but that’s not all! I have something else to say, too.” Yuuri turned around, eyes red and raw as if he’d been crying. “Yuuri, I... You...” Viktor tried to choke the words out, but his tongue failed him.

“You don’t understand, Viktor,” Yuuri spoke solemly. “I’m all alone here. I have Yuri, but he detests me and never spends time at the castle anymore. Besides him, all that resides here are goblins. And goblins are terrible conversationalists.” Yuuri laughed bitterly before looking up at Viktor with a wobbling lip. “Having you here was... nice. It was comforting, someone else’s voice disrupting the chaos of the Labyrinth. I’m sorry I magically drugged you to make you spend time with me. I just... didn’t know how else to get your attention.”

“Yuuri,” Viktor said, kneeling down before the Goblin King and placing his hands on his shoulders. “You’ve had my attention. From the moment you bust into my living room in your high heels and eyeliner, you’ve had my attention. You make music with every step you take. It’d be impossible to take my eyes off of you now.”

Yuuri looked up at him in astonishment. “Viktor...” he whispered. He looked at the clock. “You have five minutes. You need to take Makkachin and go home before it’s too late.”

“But Yuuri, what if I never see you again?” Viktor exclaimed. “I can’t summon you to kidnap my dog every time I want to see your smile!”

Yuuri blushed. “Viktor...”

“Yuuri. Come with me,” Viktor said seriously.

Yuuri looked dumbstruck. “What?”

“Come with me. Abandon the Labyrinth and the Goblin Kingdom. Renounce your kingship and come back to my world with me,” Viktor asked.

Yuuri looked down, biting his lip. “Viktor... I can’t...”

“Please,” Viktor begged. “I can’t make you do it, but I beg of you... please. This Labyrinth is pure chaos. You were never ‘ruling’ it. You’ve simply been a slave to the same cycle of kidnappings for however many years.” Viktor paused. “You’re still human. Yurio never told me for sure, but I believe that you’re still a human. And if you’re a human, you can live in the human world.”

“Viktor...” Yuuri was at a loss for words.

“Think about it, okay?” Viktor said with a tragic smile before slapping his thighs lightly twice. Makkachin immediately stood and bounded over to her owner. Viktor looked up at Yuuri again and smiled. “I hope to see you again, Yuuri.”

Yuuri smiled back, and everything went dark.

Viktor woke up on his couch. Makkachin was on top of him, fast asleep, and Viktor blinked his eyes of sleep as the credits of _Labyrinth_ played on the TV. It was all a dream, huh... What a strangely convoluted and incredibly vivid dream.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Viktor figured it must have been Yakov making sure he was actually home and not out partying, so he grunted and trudged over to the door. He opened it unenthusiastically only to bat his eyes in surprise when he saw who waited on the other side.

The Japanese man smiled sheepishly. “Ah, hello! I’m Yuuri. This is my son, Yuri,” he said, gesturing to a blonde teenager tapping away at his phone beside him. ”And these are our friends, Mila and Christophe,” he continued, gesturing toward a red-haired woman and a sandy-haired man, both of whom waved with bright smiles. “We’re new to the area, and I’m afraid we’ve gotten ourselves a bit lost. This city, it’s like a labyrinth!” the dark-haired man explained with a little laugh. “Would you be able to give us some directions?”

Viktor blinked dumbfoundedly at the group outside his door before smiling brightly, tears welling up in his eyes.

“Viktor?” said the Asian man, tilting his head. Viktor had never told him his name. “Is something wrong?”

“Nothing at all,” Viktor said, sniffling a little before stepping aside. “Please, come on in! The pup on the couch is my dog, Makkachin. Do you like dogs? Oh, I’m sure you like dogs. But your son and Christophe kind of seem like cat people to me. Ah, I’m rambling! Come in, come in!”

In a tree in Viktor’s front yard perched a white owl who watched over the scene with wise eyes. As soon as the door shut behind the enthusiastic party, the owl took flight and disappeared into the night.

**Author's Note:**

> Did I turn Georgi into a Nice Guy worm? Yeah. Did I make Mila into a big, hairy beast? Yes. Did I replace the Fire Gang with a bunch of rabid fangirls? Also yes. But!!! But! ... I really have no excuse. I just felt like taking a movie already on LSD and crossing it with crack. You're welcome?


End file.
